Cough Syrup Is Always Too Sweet

 

Cough syrup is always too sweet.
I stare at ceiling, grit my teeth.
The night is so long when can’t sleep.
Another dry one makes me leap.

Cough syrup is always too sweet.
I am bored to count my heartbeats.
Then the weight shifts down on the sheet.
I feel your body and the heat.

Cough syrup is always too sweet.
I shake head, don’t need any treats.
You smile, whisper “try this, please?”
I smile, reply “what it is?”

The warm lips take my breath. It defeats.
Cough syrup is always too sweet.

*-**

#staring at ceiling, insomnia night (2016.05.14) 

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7 thoughts on “Cough Syrup Is Always Too Sweet

  1. The poem has a nice rhythm, but I think there may be some forgotten words.In the third and sixth lines I think… Anyway the repetition has a nice ring, and I like the image.
    Thank you for the follow as well! I look forward to hearing from you, and feel free to drop by anytime!
    Happy reading and writing!
    -Author S

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nothing makes me happier than knowing how to better my writing. Thank you very much!!

      I’m not so sure about the forgotten word… For example, the third line; The night is so long when (I) can’t sleep. Does it mean the missing (I)? Or does it mean about the word for better rhyme/rhythm. I’m not so sure what should I do about the sixth line as well. May you tell me a bit more please?

      Like

      1. Oh, yes! You’re welcome! Well the I from the third line and then the sixth line I thought was intended to say I am too bored to count my heartbeats. Maybe I’m mistaken there, but yes, the third line has a missing I. Feedback is wonderful and I’m glad I could help. Feel free to drop by any time. Sorry for the late reply! Happy reading and writing!
        -Author S

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh, no worries! You answered very fast:) And this is really helpful! I got it now. Thank you!
        I definitely go to your blog. Hope to talk with you again sometimes:)

        Like

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