I want to live my life like my reading.
When I choose a story to read, I am never overthinking. Sometimes, I just walk through the shelf, pick the one that catch my eyes, and glance over the back cover. Oftentimes, I heard about how good one is. I probably do a small research such as searching to see comments. If I am so unsure, I probably read a few lines at the beginning. I do not really worry what I will get from it or how can it help me in the future. If it is tempting, tempting for what I cannot really define, I jump into.
Once I start, I do not think about a return. I do not consider what can I do with this amount of time. I pour my heart into it and just enjoy. Time pass, I engage. It is absolutely brilliant feeling in the world. I forget everything. It has only one me, in the reading universe. I see the blue sky, breath the crisp air, feel the wind blow through my hair. I read, read, read, try to absorb every single detail, every joy and pain. I do not avoid, I do not take a shortcut, I choose to bang myself to whatever it offers. It is hardly to stop reading but I start developing new concept recently. If my condition falters the pleasure in reading, I take a rest. What is the point to lose the chance to feel something from the story? I just realize how possessive I am even with, particularly with, the feelings. By the way, once, I had a reading concept that if I am dying tomorrow, at least I finish another good story. I cannot tell what is a correct mind, probably none, but now I believe in my new way one.
Fortunately, I always encounter with palatable one. Then, I think I have never unfinished the book I already start reading. There is a series with 13 books that I dislike, I have finished them all. I think because I prefer the suffocation of going through it to the unaccomplished feeling in my mind. The point is wavering, especially wavering to the better choice in the imagination, is wasteful for both time and happiness. The worst of all choices in dream is the better option one unsure one really want.
The ending does matter but I can say the decision to read does not really depend at the conclusion. If the story is excel, but only the ending is not the moment of triumph, I do not think I should abandon it. To be honest, mostly, the middle way is a true bliss of the story. The midway that is unknown and unpredictable . I am thrilling to know what happens next, just to have to calm myself every time that deliberately take it in will be more fulfill at the end.
In short, when I want to read, I choose what I think we will have a good time together, dive into it, enjoy the choice I made and forget the option I did not take.
But I am completely doing different to my life.
Why it is so hard to presently live in the choice I have made? Why I am always thinking to the alternatives I did not make? Why I cannot let myself happy right here, right now? In fact, my current research topic is very compatible to me and I want to know more. Taking step by step surely ends well but I just cannot concentrate and feel discouraged. It seems like I choose the biggest book in the world. Then, I think I cannot finish it, so I choose to not read it anymore. I live my life as skimming through the content. I should know better that halfhearted reading gain nothing but still, I am doing it. It is the stupidest act, I know.
Thanks for the good story I just finished as it helps me realize how I want to do with life.
Since I know now. Do I think I can do it?
Do I think I will do it?